Always with the dishes…

by

I have health problems that mean my stamina is very low and I’m very weak most of the time. Even standing for a few minutes could be enough to make me pass out. For the early days of my marriage I was essentially bedridden a lot of the time. I can’t count the number of times I passed out trying to get to the restroom while my husband was at work, or vomited from over-exertion just trying to get a snack from the kitchen.

One day while at my in-laws house, it came up that my husband washed the dishes sometimes. My mother-in-law turned to me and said in an accusing tone ‘I just couldn’t have any respect for myself as a woman if I let my husband come home from work and do the dishes.’

Guess not only is it My Fault I’m Disabled, but #MFIF.

Slovenly Emasculating Wench, London

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8 Responses to “Always with the dishes…”

  1. Amy Says:

    I feel your pain with this one – I have a disabling medical condition too, and my male partner does the majority of cooking, cleaning, washing, tidying etc… which some family members no doubt struggle to understand.

    You have the double hit of sexism (view that being a woman is intimately linked with scrubbing things) and disablism (‘I’m sure you could do this if you really tried – how ill can you be?’). What a lovely cocktail they make – not.

    Funny how it would be perfectly fine to most people if *you* had a full-time job and still did all the washing up, even if your male partner was *not* disabled! Because a woman cleaning up after a man = perfectly normal and acceptable, whereas a man doing the same for a woman, even when she is physically unable to do it herself = weird and shameful.

  2. Maggie Says:

    Oh, I totally feel your pain on this one, too. This story could just as easily be on the site butyoudontlooksick.com

  3. Dude Says:

    How often do you have to see these people? They sound unbearable. Luckily your husband sounds like a stand up guy.

  4. Slovenly Emasculating Wench Says:

    My husband is indeed an awesome guy. He whinges about doing chores and doesn’t always do things right (or at all some days!) but he has NEVER made me feel like it’s my ‘job’ as his wife to do anything, and he falls over himself to make sure I can manage to make it through the day.

    His family, on the other hand…

    Luckily for me, after a particularly nasty incident on my birthday, myself and his family are no longer on speaking terms. They are finally realising how far over the edge they’ve pushed me. And it feels great! I don’t have to sit quietly and listen to their bullshit judgements on me, my life, my parenting skills…fantastic!

    • Lbutlr Says:

      It’s always best to shed yourself of poisonous people, and your hubby’s parents sound like pure strychnine.

  5. Laura Says:

    What is it about dishes, anyway? For some people, they’re such a big deal. If you live with a guy and he does the dishes at all ever, you might as well be cutting off his penis? Is that what it is, now?

    My father once told me, very seriously, that if I didn’t start doing the dishes myself instead of my husband doing them most of the time, that my husband was going to divorce me.

    I told my father I didn’t feel like taking marital advice from a serial adulturer.

    It was perhaps not the response he was expecting.

  6. The Heff Says:

    Why not tell your mother in law to get stuffed?

    • Slovenly Emasculating Wench Says:

      a) Clearly you’ve never met my mother in law. The woman throws a hissy fit over the smallest things.
      b) how do you know I didn’t? All I relayed in this post was what she said, not what my response was.
      c) unfortunately, the daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship requires a certain level of diplomacy. No mater how much of a bitch she is, she is, after all, my husbands mother. At the time she hadn’t done quite enough shitty things to get us to the point where we were willing to offend her permanently. She has now though!

      FWIW, I believe I laughed and said something along the lines of being glad my husband was one of those newfangled modern men who responded well to training and who wanted an equal partnership.

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