Sexism. So homoerotic.

by

Last week it was really warm weather in London, and as I walked with my shopping from Stockwell station, I decided to get out one of the frozen ice lollies I’d bought out of my rucksack and eat on on my way home – it was that hot!

I was feeling great, enjoying the sun, and then three guys in a white van drove by shouting, one of them hanging out of the window and miming certain sexual acts at me. Can a girl not eat an ice cream in peace, now?

And then it hit me how illogical this all is.

Dear Man-in-the-van,

1) You just ‘proved your heterosexuality’ by miming sucking a man’s cock.
2) If your cock looks anything like that ice lolly (rectangular, orange) you’re in some serious trouble, mate.

Get yourself to a doctor.

#MFIF

JH, London

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32 Responses to “Sexism. So homoerotic.”

  1. Geeky Sweetheart Says:

    too true!!

  2. Katharine Says:

    When its really hot and i’m walking back home, i like to pick up an ice lolly from the end of the road, and eat it as i’m walking for the last bit of my journey. It’s a simple thing, but it makes me happy šŸ™‚
    …except i dont really do it any more, because i get the same thing EVERY time- a gesture like the one above, an offensive comment, etc…
    I really dont get it. And it makes me so angry, and i feel humiliated every time. So now i pretty much wait until i get home.

  3. Phil Says:

    This isn’t sexist.

    The guys in the vans are being massive dicks toward you, this much is true. But if they saw a guy doing the same with an ice lolly chances are they would have done the same thing to him.

    • Jessica Says:

      No, they wouldn’t.

    • Jessica Says:

      Do you know ANYTHING about the way the world works? I don’t think you do.

      • H Says:

        I think this is very unlikely. Either you’re an annoying troll or you live in a very unusual part of the world.

      • H Says:

        Sorry Jessica, I was replying to Phil but I clicked the wrong reply, hope that was clear and you didn’t think I was attacking you /obsessively polite H

    • Sharon Says:

      Oh Phil thanks for Mansplaining that for us dumb wimmins! I’d love for all white males to be forced to live a year as a woman or non white person to see how it feels. Read my story about being raped for daring to tell a man to fuck off.

      • CH Says:

        God Sharon that’s awful. I’m glad to see you here as are a strong survivor. I’d actually like to read your story if you don’t mind, where can I find it?

    • Jen Says:

      Poor innocent Phil….

  4. Siobhan Says:

    I’m sorry this happened to you and these guys are absolute twats. However your wording was rather funny (especially the last bit) and made me laugh (at them, not you). Maybe their penises are rectangular and orange and this is why they feel insecure and the need to mock you as you mind your own business?

    Phil, I highly doubt she would have done the same thing. Chances are she would have not given it a second thought and kepton walking.

  5. fis Says:

    @Phil
    I have never seen guys do that to a guy. I cannot imagine them doing it, because it would probably be interpreted as “I want you to give me a blowjob” and thus make them look gay. I am pretty sure that they were being sexist. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy getting street harassment.

    • A Different Sam Says:

      I’ve seen homophobic men act like that toward openly gay men, which always puzzled me, since it amounted to proving their hetero-superiority by, uh, requesting gay sex.

  6. Mary Says:

    Fis,
    I have two friends with Ginger hair, and they both experience street harassment, from men who feel the need to tell them loudly what colour the hair on their head is, as if they didn’t know already!

    That said, I have yet to hear of any man I know experiencing the harassment that I do on an almost daily basis from anyone, male or female.

    • shoutingwoman Says:

      Yep, I have ginger hair and get that a lot too – especially the ‘does the carpet match the curtains’ one. Hilarious, like I’ve never heard that before!

    • fis Says:

      Thanks for correcting me, I got a bit carried away and forgot that particular form of street harassment. Which is funny, because I have ginger hair. I do occasionally get shouted at on the street, I’d say less than once a year. Now I think about it, men in minority groups, such as gay or trans men, probably are the target of harassment as well.

  7. PinkGlasses Says:

    Yeah, I gave up eating ice lollies (especially mini milks which are even worse!) in public a few years ago becuase of this. I’m in pretty much the same area as you too.

  8. Butterflywings Says:

    Phil, you are mansplaining.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mansplain

    As several people have told you, no, the morons wouldn’t do that to a guy eating an ice lolly.

  9. Dude Says:

    Guys, you shouldn’t respond to trolls.

  10. Grafton Says:

    Indeed. I have eaten ice lollies in public with no remarks. Also corn dogs. I am even gay, though I’m not sure it’s noticable to strangers.

  11. Charlotte Says:

    This is where the ‘girls shouldn’t eat bananas in public’ “rule” comes from. Such shite, that if you’re a woman, everything is automatically sexualised, or has to be seen so. Such is the world we live in, sigh.

    • PharaohKatt Says:

      That eating a banana thing really confuses me. How is it sexy? A guy once made lewd comments at me while I was eating a banana. I looked at him and chomped.

  12. Phil Says:

    From what I can gather, ‘mansplaining’ seems to be used as a general label for a man who has a counter argument that disagrees with your own. Throwing terms like this around don’t really help your stated aim of challenging sexism. I hope you appreciate the irony.

    Back to the topic – the men in question do this because they are crude, disrespectful people not because they are sexist. And they definitely would think nothing of leaning out and directing abuse at all passers by.

    And I’m so glad that you feel that you have absolute authority to tell me what does or doesn’t happen. I guess the times I’ve experienced crude gestures from people in vehicles/windows must have been due to my imagination.

    This could very well have been sexist in intent, I don’t know the men in question. But the facts as have been given do not conclusively point in that direction.

    Again, I apologise for daring to criticise. I had assumed a website that allows comments to be posted is looking for reasonable counter arguments rather than just rabid unhindered agreement. If you think I am a troll, then I guess you’ve never actually come across one.

    • CH Says:

      Phil, if you say “this doesn’t CONCLUSIVELY point to sexism,” why do you begin every statement with, “THIS IS NOT SEXIST.”

      You don’t say “this might not be sexist” or “hmm I don’t know it if this is sexist” By stating something so conclusively, it appears that you are actually trying to tell people as an authority, not as a a person sharing your own opinion or perspective. That’s why it comes across as “mansplaining.”

    • Larcley Says:

      Dear Phil,

      I empathize with the abuse that you have recieved from rude individuals. However, street harassment is an issue that, while not limited exclusively to women, is still often directed towards them. This is frequently because women are regarded as the weaker sex, especially by “crude” gentlemens such as these – and, as such, become victims of harassment because they are percieved as “easy” targets.

      Tied with this perception are implications of masculinity and sexuality. Though it is inherently sexist, straight men in many societies are frequently rewarded with social status for performing sexual acts with women. The greater the number of women, the more “masculine” the gentleman is felt to be. Because of this, the act of sexual simulation by men is generally targeted towards women, in order to increase others’ perception of his masculinity. This is thought of by many as an ordinary; a man targeting another man for this type of sexualized innuendo would be seen as an irregularity. If you have experienced this, you have my sympathy. But, without intent to undermine your suffering, it must be said that you are a statistical anomaly.

      As a victim of such harassment, you likely understand that it is often frustrating and can be seriously damaging to one’s self-perception. Especially frustrating is the targeted, frequent harassment – some even threatening – that many women are forced to undergo for the mere act of entering the public sphere. Please do not trivialize the harassment that women suffer because victims look for support among other like-minded individuals. Unfortunately, most women have been or will be verbally abused by a straight male, often with sexual or gendered connotations. It may make us quick to fire the sexism card, but it does not mean we are wrong.

      Oftentimes, behaviors in individuals have an underlying social cause. Therefore, in cases such as this one, the underlying cause may be the gender stratification of a sexist society. It is not a provable theory in this specific case, but, as a hypothesis, it may be a pretty good bet.

    • Jessica Says:

      Street harrassment definitely happens more to women. Sorry, but that’s just how it is, Phil.

  13. Anna Says:

    When I was younger, after deciding I wasn’t going to spend any more time not eating things that MIGHT be construed as even mildly phallic, I began responding to comments/gestures like this by taking a rather vicious bite out of whatever I was eating.
    Usually gets them to go away, though you might get a “bitch” out of it.

  14. Jaynie Says:

    Its pretty sad really that we can’t eat a banana (or ice lolly) without thinking about whether we are in appropriate company :-). I sometimes break it off in pieces to avoid any suggestive behaviour. FFS!

  15. Janstince Says:

    Just came across this site, definitely like it. It’s very helpful to me. I have problems relating to other people, often times (one of the reasons I chose engineering as a profession; machines I get, people are harder).

    Just throwing my two cents in. I’ve been harassed by men, as well. This wasn’t quite as strange once I thought through and realized my community college was near an array of gay bars. A couple of times it was a wolf whistle, once or twice a few comments. All but one time it was from a car while I was walking on campus. To be honest, once I got over the initial shock, I felt rather flattered by it (never considered myself handsome by any means). Of course, I see it would be a very big problem if it went any further, or if it happened more often. It’s good to hear this side of it explained.

  16. EmilyBites Says:

    lol, I break up the banana now too.
    I am so effing sick of my body being seen as a sex object, so that even putting something in my mouth to eat it (chew it into wet digestible mush, guys!) is seen as referencing fellatio.

    I hate that in our society men’s bodies are people and women’s bodies are for sex.

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