Her loss…


A while back I decided I needed a second job to supplement the one I had at the time, and as I’m an old hand at waiting tables, I turned in my application at a restaurant close to my house that is always busy. I rarely wear makeup, as I simply don’t like it, but my hair and clothing were nice. I gave the application to the wait staff manager, and she asked if I could come back the next day for an interview.

When I showed up, she sat down briefly with me at the table, then had to get up to see about a situation in the kitchen. She left her notepad and my application on the table when she went, and I didn’t even have to crane my neck to read what she’d written there, circled and underlined as if it were a criminal record: “Appearance needs work. NO MAKEUP.”

When she came back, I told her thanks for her time, but I’d decided not to take the job. Oh well. She lost out on an experienced and skilled server. #MFIF

Barefaced, USA


27 Responses to “Her loss…”

  1. Sam Says:

    I don’t wear makeup either, and I’m shocked by how many people think it’s disrespectful or rude of women to do so. How can they expect us to spend the money and time it takes to put on makeup every day? I’m the same with high heels for a job that requires lots of walking. Both women and men seem to think it’s our duty to do our jobs and look like models at the same time, which is impractical and demeaning. It makes me so sad.

  2. kly Says:

    I sometimes wear makeup, more often not, but it appalls me that women are supposed to make themselves look like drag queens. The same people who insist that women should never leave the house without facepaint think that men with makeup look like clowns.

  3. Phil Says:

    This isn’t sexist.

    When a company recruits a member of staff to present a face to the public, he/she is required to fulfil company guidelines.

    As an accompanying example, when I was a student I worked at the tills in a shop, and was expected to be well groomed. This meant that I had to be clean shaven, trimmed fingernails and no piercings, etc. I did it without complaint as it was the company policy, and everyone had to follow the guidelines.

    I agree it’s stupid, but it definitely isn’t sexual discrimination.

    (Oh, and I think there have been similar comments about this posted on some previous stories on this site, you should look back on them as they put the point a bit more eloquently than I have).

    • Fauxnoc Says:

      Do you really start every comment with “this isn’t sexist”? Cause I think you need new schtick.

    • Chelsea Says:

      Well, It kind of IS. Would a man be asked to wear make-up? No. That in itself is inherently sexist. The fact that women in society are expected to augment/edit themselves to look better, where as with males, only clenliness applies.

      • Matt G. Says:

        In my book, requiring a man to shave and requiring a woman to wear makeup are both sexist. A man can’t help that whiskers grow from his face, just as a woman can’t help the way her face looks when un-made-up, and both requirements impose a burden on a person’s time and money. It’s two sides of the same coin.

    • Ampris Says:

      See now, darlin’, when I apply to a job, I am expected to be clean, well-groomed, no excessive piercings…and none of that is sexist. It’s not a different requirement for men than for women; everyone has to be clean. Fine. But when I am told that I have to put chemicals on my face, because my skin is not acceptable for employment without it, but you, as a man, are just fine with your flesh the way it is…well, that is the definition of sexist.

      • Derp Says:

        You mean sort of like how women can have long hair, but if a guy does he’s no longer “well-groomed?” Most these “you must look this way,” policies are either rife with sexism both ways or, I guess, neutral if you consider it to balance out somehow.

    • Kris S. Says:

      While both men and women have to conform to certain standards in certain jobs, the standards for women are usually much higher, and THAT is sexist.

      Phil, you were “well groomed… clean shaven, trimmed fingernails and no piercings;” for your job. The OP was also well groomed and well dressed (she had no chin hairs, trimmed fingernails and no piercings except maybe discreet earrings) BUT she wouldn’t have been hired unless she had applied makeup IN ADDITION TO BEING WELL GROOMED. Makeup that can add 30 to 60 minutes of prep time every morning, plus constant touch ups throughout the day.

      Because she’s a woman, she has to do it. Because you’re a man, you don’t. That’s the definition of sexism, my friend.

  4. Ayla Says:

    Phil, YOU are a sexist. And not very bright, to boot.


    Is this guy in EVERY post here?

  5. Kate Says:

    Phil – Do you wear make-up?

  6. JenniferRuth Says:

    Phil, being a man, understands sexism better than any woman! He’s here to educate us! Sure, he may not experience sexism directly but his superior manly brain allows him to understand when women are just getting their panties in a twist. He’s doing us a favour – helping us navigate our hysterical-woman-emotions and teach what is and isn’t sexism. Thanks Phil!

    Next, he’s off to find an anti-racism blog so he can tell everyone why racism is all in their heads.

  7. Quince Tart Says:

    JenniferRuth I love you.


  8. Lyris Says:

    I’m a guy and when I can be bothered, I wear eyeliner because it looks good on me. I imagine if I tried to apply for the job like that they’d decided it was bad because I WAS wearing it.

    The sexist gender stupidity is just depressing.

  9. ggg_girl Says:

    whoever mods this blog needs to ban phil stat

  10. Phil Says:

    I think you’ll find that I am not in every post here. I won’t comment on the posts that genuinely highlight sexism, I just read them with disgust like most of you.

    I will, however, respond to posts where there is clearly not any sexist intent (at least, not any that I can see) as I find it infuriating when allegations of sexual discrimination is laid upon an individual where the only evidence is that they criticised someone who happened to be a woman.

    Also, I find this level of hostility toward any kind of criticism astounding, especially considering that it’s usually accompanied by references toward my gender.

    And Ayla, you seem like a very angry person and are quite keen on insulting the intelligence of people who disagree with you rather than directly respond to their points. This approach will not carry you far in life, I promise you.

    I do not wear make up, no. But when I worked in offices I was required to cut my hair short, shave and wear a suit and tie (and only a suit and tie). Women were able to get away with wearing almost whatever they wanted, and could wear their hair however they liked.

    So yes, I and other men do experience the requirement to augment their appearance for the workplace from time to time.

    My point is not that it’s fair – I disagree with the policy completely. You shouldn’t have to wear makeup, just like I shouldn’t be forced to wear specific items of clothing. But what I do disagree with is the assertion that it’s sexist.

    • Kerry Says:

      So because you don’t think it’s sexist it’s not sexist. And any woman who thinks it is sexist is just hysterical or over-emotional or “hostile”. Right. Gotcha. You’re not sexist at all are ya buddy?

    • Little Duck Says:

      Well put I think πŸ™‚

    • Ampris Says:

      But Phil, here’s what you seem to be missing. Sexism can go both ways. Just like it’s sexist to assume that my fiance is incapable of cleaning a toilet because he is male, it is sexist to say that men have to wear their hair differently, or only dress one way, because they are male. And companies being equally sexist to both genders doesn’t negate the sexist nature of such policies, which are generally in place because companies are under the mistaken impression that people won’t have the brains to realize that they’re getting good customer service if you have long hair or if I don’t wear foundation and lipstick. It’s wrong, it’s insulting, and it’s sexist for both parties.

    • Ayla Says:

      This is a place for speaking out and venting anger. The anger you perceive from me towards you is real because you are an extremely sexist person who trolls a site about sexism with idiotic sexist statements and half-thought out “logic.” However, I am not a generally angry person.

      Time and place for everything, everything in its season, etc etc.

  11. Jazz Says:

    Hi there, this post made me very angry and i did find is sexist, i choose not to wear make up simply because i don’t have the time. I also like to keep it for special occasions when i feel i want a little extra something.

    Phil -I think one of the main problems with you is that you do not understand that situations such as these happen extremely frequently. All you comment on are the situations you think are not sexist – which in some cases if they were isolated incidents would not been seen as sexist- however you do not understand that situations like this happen extremely frequently to most females and what we find infuriating is the amount of times they happen and the disrespect they show towards women.
    The idea that women need to look prefect all the time is not just in work but in our entire society. Males also have pressure to look good but they do not have the same pressure to look both sexy (in most cases to please other males) and also professional when at work.
    I know from experience living in a shared house, most males will wake up have a shower and get dressed and possibly shave and put gel in their hair. Which will take all of 30 minutes. However women are expected to have additions to their morning routine, putting on make up and doing ones hair, which dependent on choice of style would take up to 30 minutes in itself. Therefore we are expected to put in the extra effort that would not be expected of a man just because the society we live in, mainly run by men, tells us that we are not good enough if we do not conform and wear make up, for the sole purpose of pleasing other males.

    Women are often based on their appearance as opposed to their minds a abilities, even when applying for work and this highlights this case perfectly.

    ”I will, however, respond to posts where there is clearly not any sexist intent”

    Phil even if sexism is not intended is does not make it any less sexist. What the feminist movement, in my opinion, is trying to achieve is a balance in which both men and women have the right and freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives, however sexism has become so ingrained into our society some people cannot even see when sexism occurs. I believe you to be one of these people.

    I think you should speak to all your female friends seriously about their experiences with sexism. I do not want to belittle you interest in sexism because i believe if you educated yourself in it more you will more clearly see the point of some of these posts and will stop bashing the events the writers go through and are appalled with.

    I hope you realise the error of your ways. Women will always experience situations such as this because of their sex. Males however can be blinded to, or will not fully understand the effects of such events such as these because they do not experience them first hand. I am not critiquing you but this is a fact.

    Lyris – Nice to see we have some males about who understand. I see where you are coming from, i have friends who wear eyeliner all the time and have been refused jobs because of that fact.(Silly i know!) I hope you find a place of work that lets you be you.

    • Matt G. Says:

      I’ll second that Phil needs some quality time discussing sexism with the women in his life. However–caveat–he most likely shouldn’t “speak to” them. He should just be listening 99% of the time.

    • CH Says:

      I really like this post. I like to comment put suck at doing it as articulately as you just did. Thank you for conveying all of my feelings πŸ™‚

  12. Jen Says:

    I agree with Phil that employers will have an expectation that a person will be generally well presented, but a woman can be perfectly ‘neat’ and ‘groomed’ without make up.

  13. Ampris Says:

    Once I had a gentleman in my store who told me that he worked for a cosmetics company and as part of the job, ALL of the employees were required to wear make-up, male and female alike. I was thrilled to hear of a place that managed to require make-up in a logical (they are all selling make-up after all) and non-sexist manner. Just had to share that bright point. πŸ™‚

  14. Victoria Says:

    Phil, even if you are right, even if you’re wrong, it’s best to just…not….you know?

    Still, I think if you’re neat and hygienic and not wearing a trash bag, there shouldn’t be a problem.

    And I think Lyris should get to wear his eyeliner if he wants to… πŸ˜›

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